I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
