i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
