apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize