Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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