eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
false alarm, still single
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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