he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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