If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
