you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
