am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize