Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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