god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
