dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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