The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
