I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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