I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
