I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sext me about skeletons
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
