Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You were trust falling into bushes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
