It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
