Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
