morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
