Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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