even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
