break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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