Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
