They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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