so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
