I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
