I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
