Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
