I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
