Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
