She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
