Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
