it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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