You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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