nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
