yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
