I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
