he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
