the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
