your thong is hanging out like whoa
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
