you guys were way drunker than both of me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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