we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
