you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
