we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
