dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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