You really coming over, don't trick.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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