well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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