Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
