ugly people sure do ruin things
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
