I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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