Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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