whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
