ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
