i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
