i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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