hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
