While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
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She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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