i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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