I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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