I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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