I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
