Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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